“A book about friendship, heroes, pain and redemption and about everything else that makes us who we are. I haven’t read anything that’s moved me as much in a long time – it’s smart, fast paced, poetic, funny and above all true. Stuckrad-Barre is one of the most talented writers of his generation and he’s finally written the book he was meant to write.” (Ferdinand von Schirach)
That’s exactly where he wanted to go: to the heroes, into the ecstatic nights – to the place where the music plays. First, behind the scenes, then up on stage. Making it there incredibly quickly, he threw himself in and almost got lost. Udo Lindenberg’s rebellious fairy-tale songs influenced and enticed him, and Udo himself became a friend and, later, savior.
Benjamin von Stuckrad-Barre tells a story you can’t make up: Wanting the excitement and lifestyle of a rock star, he got both – as well as their logical conclusion: a rock star’s downfall. Early fame, loss of touch with reality, drug addiction. And, now, self-discovery at the perhaps least-likely place for it: the legendary Chateau Marmont in Hollywood, where Udo took him. What was planned as a hideaway and retreat proves to be a return to writing. As euphoria rages around him, this time the narrator stays sober. In writing, he recalls his dreams and heroes – and meets many of them again.
He inspects a shower curtain with Bret Easton Ellis, runs into Westernhagen at the doctor’s and Courtney Love in the smoker’s corner, and attends a Brian Wilson concert with Thomas Gottschalk. Others are dead and yet become present again: Kurt Cobain, Helmut Dietl. Along with his own story, Stuckrad-Barre recounts the history of the last 20 years of pop culture.
Panic Heart is a journey into the night, a quest for truth, a return from the fog.
